How to Ask Family for Help When Caring for Your Elderly Parent
By: Jeremy Grant
Caring for an aging loved one is a rewarding experience, but it can also be physically, emotionally, and mentally draining. Many family caregivers take on this responsibility without realizing how quickly it can become overwhelming. It's common to feel reluctant to ask for help - whether it’s because of pride, guilt, or a belief that it’s “your job” to manage everything. But the truth is: you don’t have to do it alone.
If you're feeling stretched too thin, it might be time to bring your family into the conversation and ask for support. Here's how to approach that important step.
Understand the Emotional Weight of Caregiving
Before you even reach out to family members, it's important to take a moment to check in with yourself. Are you exhausted? Frustrated? Feeling guilty for not doing more - even though you're already doing so much?
You’re not alone. In fact, studies show that 9 out of 10 family caregivers say they need help, but many hesitate to ask. Whether it’s due to personal expectations or uncertainty about how to start the conversation, it's completely normal to feel this way. Recognizing that caregiving can’t - and shouldn’t - fall solely on your shoulders is the first step toward building a more sustainable care plan.
The need for family caregivers is only growing. In 2022, seniors represented 18.83% of the Canadian population, and by 2043, about one in four Canadians will be 65 years of age or older. This demographic shift means more families will be facing caregiving challenges in the coming years.
Prioritize Your Own Well-Being to Prevent Burnout
It’s easy to put your own needs last when you’re caring for someone you love - but over time, this can lead to burnout. Burnout is more than just feeling tired; it’s a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion that can impact your health, your relationships, and your ability to provide care.
That’s why sharing the responsibility isn’t just a luxury - it’s a necessity. Taking breaks, setting boundaries, and asking for help are vital to staying well. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup. By involving others, you're not only giving yourself a chance to recharge - you’re ensuring your loved one receives more consistent and reliable support.
Identify What Kind of Help You Need
Before approaching your family, take some time to list out where you could use support. This might include:
- Transportation to medical appointments
- Running errands or grocery shopping
- Help with meal prep or household chores
- Providing companionship to your loved one
- Managing medications or care schedules
- Financial contributions for in-home care services
Being specific helps make your request clearer and more actionable. It also gives family members a chance to say “yes” to tasks that align with their availability or strengths.
Plan the Conversation Thoughtfully
Gather your family - whether virtually or in person - and express how much their support would mean to both you and your parent. Use "I" statements to communicate without blame or guilt. Here are some phrases to get you started:
- “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and could really use some help with Mom’s care.”
- “Would you be open to helping with grocery runs once a week?”
- “Dad’s appointments are starting to overlap with my work. Could you take him to the next one?”
Keep the tone collaborative. The goal is to build a care team together.
Be Prepared for Mixed Reactions
Family dynamics can be complicated. Some people may step up immediately, while others might hesitate or feel unsure about how to help. Be patient and give everyone the chance to process your request. If needed, offer suggestions or small ways they can contribute. Even checking in regularly via phone or offering respite for an afternoon can make a big difference.
Include Professional Help in the Conversation
While family support is essential, sometimes it's not enough to meet the growing needs of your aging loved one. In those cases, it’s worth considering outside support, such as professional caregiving services.
At Home Instead®, we work alongside families to offer customized, compassionate care - from a few hours a week to full-time support. Inviting professionals into your care team doesn’t mean stepping away; it means ensuring your loved one gets the attention they deserve while you preserve your own health and well-being.
Make Use of Caregiver Resources
Don't hesitate to explore tools and resources that can help guide these conversations. At Home Instead, we offer free guides and planning worksheets designed specifically for family caregivers. These can make family meetings more productive and keep everyone on the same page.
Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
Asking for help doesn’t make you weak - it makes you wise. By involving your family, being open about your limits, and considering professional caregiving services, you’re taking important steps to protect your health, your relationships, and the quality of care your loved one receives.
Talking to the family is just the beginning. Another option or additional step is to use the services of a home care professional from Home Instead Brantford. Our trained caregivers are ready to step in and give you and your family the assistance needed to ensure your aging loved one gets what they need to live as independently as possible.
Call us at (519) 752-4663 to schedule a no-obligation, in-home consultation. Learn more about the compassionate, quality senior care we deliver, every day, to families in Brantford, Paris, Ancaster, Stoney Creek, Dunnville, Port Dover, Woodstock, Caledonia, Cayuga, Fisherville, Simcoe, Waterford, Turkey Point, Port Rowan and Burford.